http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/en-EUMokoFeed10http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/d5/3423b35a5a6c7f0d89df5bff0fb9c2_160x200.jpghttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/11/19/words-women-use-7416444/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2009-11-19:/2009/11/19/words-women-use-7416444/Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:13:22 +0100 <p>FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of these arguments.</p> <p>FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your footie game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.</p> <p>NOTHING This means "something" and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "five minutes" and end with "fine".</p> <p>GO AHEAD (WITH RAISED EYEBROWS) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "nothing" and will end with the word "fine".</p> <p>GO AHEAD (NORMAL EYEBROWS) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I dont care". You will get a "(raised eyebrow) go ahead" in just a few minutes followed by "nothing" and "fine", and she will talk to you in about "five minutes" when she cools off.</p> <p>LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "loud sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "nothing".</p> <p>SOFT SIGH Again, not a word but a non-verbal statement. A "soft sigh" means that she is content; your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.</p> <p>THAT’S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That’s okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That’s okay" is often used with the word "fine" and in conjunction with a "raised eyebrow".</p> <p>GO AHEAD At some point in the near future you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.</p> <p>PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a "that’s okay".</p> <p>THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say “you're welcome”.</p> <p>THANKS A LOT This is much different from "thanks". A woman will say "thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way,and will be followed by the "loud sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "loud sigh" as she will only tell you "nothing". </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/11/19/words-women-use-7416444/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>womenhttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/11/19/words-women-use-7416444/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/11/18/aircraft-meets-retaining-wall-wall-wins-7410268/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2009-11-18:/2009/11/18/aircraft-meets-retaining-wall-wall-wins-7410268/Wed, 18 Nov 2009 23:02:59 +0100 <p><em><span><span>There is an email doing the rounds at the moment which I reproduce here without prejudice so leaving you the Reader to assess the validity of the contents (unfortunately I am unable to reproduce the accompanying photos however, as I am not the owner)...</span></span></em></p> <p>A brand spanking new Airbus 340-600, the largest passenger airplane ever built, sits just outside its hangar in Toulouse, France without a single hour of airtime.   </p> <p>Enter, allegedly, the flight crew of Abu Dhabi Aircraft Technologies ( ADAT ) to conduct pre-delivery tests on the ground, such as engine run-ups prior to delivery to Etihad Airways in Abu Dhabi. The ADAT crew taxied the A340-600 to the run-up area.   <br>       <br>Then, apparently, the following happened:<br>They took all Four engines to takeoff power with a virtually empty aircraft. Not having read the run-up manuals, they had no clue just how light an empty A340-600 really is.  The takeoff warning horn was blaring away in the cockpit because they had all 4 engines at full power. The aircraft computers thought they were trying to take off, but it had not been configured properly (flaps/slats, etc..)   Then one of the ADAT crew decided to pull the circuit breaker on the Ground Proximity Sensor to silence the alarm. This fools the aircraft into thinking it is in the air.  The computers automatically released all the brakes and set the aircraft rocketing forward. The ADAT crew had no idea that this is a safety feature so that pilots can't land with the brakes on.  Not one member of the seven-man crew throttled back the engines from their max power setting, so the $200 million brand-new Aircraft crashed into a blast barrier, totalling it.   </p> <p>The extent of injuries to the crew is unknown due to the news blackout in the major media in France and elsewhere.. as it seems coverage of the story was deemed insulting to a particular group.  However the photos are, it would seem, starting to leak out.   <br>  <br>      A French Airbus:   $200 million dollars  </p>       Untrained Flight Crew:   $300,000 Yearly Salary     </p> <p>      Unread Operating Manual:  $300       Aircraft meets retaining wall -- wall wins:    $ Priceless <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/11/18/aircraft-meets-retaining-wall-wall-wins-7410268/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>airbushttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/11/18/aircraft-meets-retaining-wall-wall-wins-7410268/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/11/14/a-mother-s-day-7374804/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2009-11-14:/2009/11/14/a-mother-s-day-7374804/Sat, 14 Nov 2009 23:59:37 +0100 <p>A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.</p> <p>The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry hall, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.</p> <p>In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.</p> <p>In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.</p> <p>He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.</p> <p>He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.</p> <p>As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.</p> <p>He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'</p> <p>She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?'</p> <p>'Yes,' was his incredulous reply.'</p> <p>She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.' </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/11/14/a-mother-s-day-7374804/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>parentinghttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/11/14/a-mother-s-day-7374804/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/10/23/the-story-of-bob-betty-hill-7231360/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2009-10-23:/2009/10/23/the-story-of-bob-betty-hill-7231360/Fri, 23 Oct 2009 19:02:02 +0200 <p>Bob & Betty Hill were holidaying in Europe, near Transylvania. They were driving along a deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front. Suddenly the car skids! Bob attempts to gain control, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.<br> Bob shakes his head to clear the fog.</p> <p>Dazed, he looks over and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding!</p> <p>Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance. He carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road.</p> <p>After a while, he sees a light coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.</p> <p>A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts out, "My name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"</p> <p>"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!"</p> <p>When inside, an older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant has misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, we are miles from the nearest clinic, I have had basic medical training, I will see what I can do. Igor, show them down to the laboratory."</p> <p>Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.</p> <p>After his examination, Igor's master looks worried.</p> <p>"Things are serious, Igor.. Prepare a transfusion."</p> <p>Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail.</p> <p>Bob and Betty Hill are no more.</p> <p>The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he goes into his conservatory which houses his grand piano. It is here he has always found solace.. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house..</p> <p>Igor is still in the lab and his eyes catch movement. He notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed when Betty and Bob both sit up straight!</p> <p>Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.</p> <p>He bursts in and shouts: "Master, Master! .....</p> <p> (wait for it !)</p> <p>... the Hills are alive with the sound of music!"</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/10/23/the-story-of-bob-betty-hill-7231360/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>transylvaniahttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/10/23/the-story-of-bob-betty-hill-7231360/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/06/18/still-life-by-jill-wright-6338557/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2009-06-18:/2009/06/18/still-life-by-jill-wright-6338557/Thu, 18 Jun 2009 23:36:02 +0200 <p><img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/063/3610063_3ce62b3373_m.jpg" alt="Still Life"></p> <p>Damn good.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/06/18/still-life-by-jill-wright-6338557/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>artstill-lifehttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/06/18/still-life-by-jill-wright-6338557/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/06/17/chuck-a-shoe-at-bush-6329382/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2009-06-17:/2009/06/17/chuck-a-shoe-at-bush-6329382/Wed, 17 Jun 2009 23:56:39 +0200 <p>Love this.</p> <p><a href="http://www.sockandawe.com/">http://www.sockandawe.com/</a></p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/graylaugh.gif" alt=":))" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/06/17/chuck-a-shoe-at-bush-6329382/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>politicsboredgamesbushhttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/06/17/chuck-a-shoe-at-bush-6329382/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/01/28/recession-proof-jobs-5462185/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2009-01-28:/2009/01/28/recession-proof-jobs-5462185/Wed, 28 Jan 2009 10:15:07 +0100 <p><span><span><span>Another list! wahey!</span></span></span></p> <p><span><span><span>According to MSN, these are the ten most recession-proof jobs.  I'm not too sure about the inclusion of construction workers, myself, but then what do I know.</span></span></span></p> <p><span><span><span><strong><span>1. Human resources managers <br>2. Construction workers <br>3. Public relations professionals <br>4. Teachers <br>5. Midwifery <br>6. IT Consultants <br>7. Nursing <br>8. Accountancy <br>9. Oil workers <br>10. Market researchers</span></strong></span></span></span></p> <p><span>Source</span></p> <p><a title="Link to MSN" href="http://msn.careerbuilder.co.uk/Article/MSN-216-Job-Search-10-Growing-Jobs-Despite-the-Economy/?SiteId=int_ukmsn_a216hp&sc_extcmp=int_ukmsn_a216hp&GT1=62500"><a href="http://msn.careerbuilder.co.uk/Article/MSN-216-Job-Search-10-Growing-Jobs-Despite-the-Economy/?SiteId=int_ukmsn_a216hp&sc_extcmp=int_ukmsn_a216hp&GT1=62500">http://msn.careerbuilder.co.uk/Article/MSN-216-Job-Search-10-Growing-Jobs-Despite-the-Economy/?SiteId=int_ukmsn_a216hp&sc_extcmp=int_ukmsn_a216hp&GT1=62500</a></a></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/01/28/recession-proof-jobs-5462185/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>recessionhttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/01/28/recession-proof-jobs-5462185/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/01/24/who-s-in-trouble-so-far-5434726/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2009-01-24:/2009/01/24/who-s-in-trouble-so-far-5434726/Sat, 24 Jan 2009 01:12:50 +0100 <p><span>2009</span></p> <p><span>22 January: <strong>Threshers and Wine Rack</strong> off-licence  in talks</span></p> <p><span>12 January: <strong>Land of Leather</strong> in administration</span></p> <p><span>9 January: <strong>Cardfair and Card Warehouse</strong> chains close down</span></p> <p><span>7 January: <strong>Viyella</strong> in administration</span></p> <p><span>7 January: <strong>Miller Brothers</strong>, electrical goods retailer in administration</span></p> <p><span>6 January: <strong>Passion for Perfume</strong> - redundancies</span></p> <p><span>5 January: <strong>Adams </strong>childrenswear in administration</span></p> <p><span>5 January: <strong>Waterford Wedgwood</strong> in administration</span></p> <p><span>2008</span></p> <p><span>30 December: <strong>Olan Mills</strong> set to enter administration</span></p> <p><span>29 December: <strong>USC</strong> fashion chain enters administration </span></p> <p><span>24 December: <strong>Zavvi,</strong> formerly Virgin Megastores, appoints administrators</span></p> <p><span>23 December: <strong>Officers Club</strong> in administration</span></p> <p><span>23 December: <strong>Whittard of Chelsea</strong> bought out of "pre-pack administration" by  Epic</span></p> <p><span>12 December: Strategy Retail group that includes <strong>Fads</strong>, in administration</span></p> <p><span>4 December: <strong>The Pier</strong> collapses in administration</span></p> <p><span>26 November: <strong>Woolworths</strong> in administration</span></p> <p><span>26 November: <strong>MFI</strong> in administration</span></p> <p><span>21 November: <strong>MK One</strong> fashion in administration</span></p> <p><span>10 October: <strong>Hardy Amies</strong> files for administration </span></p> <p><span>1 October: <strong>Miss Sixty</strong> fashion (Energie fashion brand) in administration</span></p> <p><span>26 September: <strong>Joy</strong> clothes/homeware in administration</span></p> <p><span>26 September: <strong>Rosebys</strong> calls in administration</span></p> <p><span>25 September: <strong>Willis Gambier</strong> in administration (furniture supplier to Marks & Spencer and John Lewis)</span></p> <p><span>4 August: <strong>Wrapit</strong> internet wedding list company in crisis</span></p> <p><span>21 July: <strong>Floors-2-Go</strong> collapses</span></p> <p><span>3 July: Sofa chain <strong>ScS Upholstery</strong> rescued by Sun European Partners </span></p> <p><span>26 June:<strong> Ilva</strong> danish furniture UK business in administration</span></p> <p><span>21 May: <strong>MK One</strong> chain in administration only 3wks after being acquired by Hilco</span></p> <p><span>12 May: <strong>New Heights</strong> shuts all its shops</span></p> <p><span>15 April: <strong>Ethel Austin</strong> collapses</span></p> <p><span>1 April: <strong>Sleep Depot</strong> in administration</span></p> <p><span>1 April: <strong>Toyzone</strong> in administration</span></p> <p><span>11 February: <strong>Base</strong> in administration</span></p> <p><span>10 February: <strong>Elvi </strong>in administration</span></p> <p><span>1 February: <strong>The Works</strong> in administration</span></p> <p><span>28 January: <strong>Stead & Simpson</strong> bought out of administration by Shoe Zone</span></p> <p><span>21 January: <strong>Dolcis</strong> in administration</span></p> <p><span>Jan 07: <strong>Blooming Marvellous</strong> tbc</span></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/01/24/who-s-in-trouble-so-far-5434726/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>recessionhttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/01/24/who-s-in-trouble-so-far-5434726/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/01/15/that-charlotte-church-advert-5380882/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2009-01-15:/2009/01/15/that-charlotte-church-advert-5380882/Thu, 15 Jan 2009 10:52:21 +0100 <p>What is that tv advert she does so professionally - you know, the one that looks like she's been drinking heavily at various nightclubs for 5 hours and has ended up dancing with a freaky armadillo that looks like it's come straight out of a Stephen King novel.</p> <p>Mind you, I'm sure we've all had nights out like that, though.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/01/15/that-charlotte-church-advert-5380882/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tvcharlotte-churchhttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2009/01/15/that-charlotte-church-advert-5380882/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/27/my-favouritecollective-nounsgroups-of-things-4942378/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2008-10-27:/2008/10/27/my-favouritecollective-nounsgroups-of-things-4942378/Mon, 27 Oct 2008 22:52:28 +0100 <p><span><span><span>a shrewdness of apes<br>a coalition of cheetahs<br>an intrusion of cockroaches<br>a murder of crows<br>a charm of goldfinches<br>a troubling of goldfish<br>a bazaar of guillemots<br>an array of hedgehogs<br>a bloat of hippopotami<br>a train of jackdaws<br>a smack of jellyfish<br>a deceit of lapwings<br>an exaltation of larks<br>a tiding of magpies<br>a richness of martens<br>a romp of otters<br>a parliament of owls<br>a rhumba of rattlesnakes<br>a conspiracy of ravens<br>a surfeit of skunks<br>a murmuration of starlings<br>a mustering of storks<br>a mutation of thrushes<br>a knot of toads<br>a hover of trout<br>a pitying of turtledoves<br>a descent of woodpeckers</span></span></span></p> <p>This guy has loads more...<br><a href="http://www.vigay.com/nouns/"><a href="http://www.vigay.com/nouns/">http://www.vigay.com/nouns/</a></a></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/27/my-favouritecollective-nounsgroups-of-things-4942378/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>collective-nounsnames-of-groupshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/27/my-favouritecollective-nounsgroups-of-things-4942378/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/20/big-up-to-the-romanian-lorry-driver-4903792/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2008-10-20:/2008/10/20/big-up-to-the-romanian-lorry-driver-4903792/Mon, 20 Oct 2008 22:38:30 +0200<p><span><span><span><span><span><span>Had my wing mirror bashed by an artic today in a narrow back road that he shouldn't have been sent down. Chased after him to let him know he'd bent my wing mirror back & fair dues to the guy, when I drove further down to park up, he'd walked all the way back down the road to find where I'd parked.</span></span></span></span></span></span></p> <p><span><span><span><span><span><span>Turned out casing was a bit scratched but no biggie. Poor guy had been sent up the wrong creek by his sat nav & I wished him well getting out the other end.</span></span></span></span></span></span></p> <p><span>Rest of the day didn't go as well.</span></p> <p><span><span><span>Had to cancel the Dylan Moran tickets <img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/image/smileys/smiley-cry2.gif" alt="">  </span></span></span></p> <p><span><span><span>Finally gave up on MFI & referred it to Trading Standards <img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/image/smileys/graysigh.gif" alt=""></span></span></span></p> <p><span><span><span>Went to the butchers for some chicken & when I got it out to cook it for tea found it was off <img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/image/smileys/grayupset.gif" alt=""> ... time to look for a new butchers, methinks</span></span></span></p> <p><span><span></span></span></p> <p><span></span></p><p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/20/big-up-to-the-romanian-lorry-driver-4903792/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>pantshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/20/big-up-to-the-romanian-lorry-driver-4903792/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/10/what-i-found-onebay-4852368/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2008-10-10:/2008/10/10/what-i-found-onebay-4852368/Fri, 10 Oct 2008 22:15:44 +0200 <p><strong>The Ghostbuster's Hearse</strong><br><a href="http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=150301618614"><a href="http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=150301618614">http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=150301618614</a></a> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/10/what-i-found-onebay-4852368/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>shoppingebayhttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/10/what-i-found-onebay-4852368/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/08/0d78658b259edcf59d78044457275aa4-of-6402a1e883aa4df0db9b32d30cb3699b-4841237/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2008-10-08:/2008/10/08/0d78658b259edcf59d78044457275aa4-of-6402a1e883aa4df0db9b32d30cb3699b-4841237/Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:13:34 +0200 <p><img src="http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/content/images/2007/09/18/johnnyvegas6_396x222.jpg" alt="Johnny Vegas" title="null"></p> <p>I have no idea why I keep dreaming that Johnny Vegas and I are on some sort of journey/adventure together.<br>The last time, we were in a luxurious hotel trying to head downstairs to find a hospital or some form of treatment for hurt limbs after a hectic sojourn through hell & high tide.  We found the hotel swimming pool, which was a far better distraction.<br>This time we'd been on some far flung trip, down rapids at one point I think - but that's what comes of playing Wii golf too late at night (I'd got the flowing rivers implanted on my retina, I think). I gave him a 'mate' kind of hug at the end - he had a really nice, dark blue, soft jersey top on. I remember thinking, what lovely soft cotton.</p> <p>Ho hum. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/08/0d78658b259edcf59d78044457275aa4-of-6402a1e883aa4df0db9b32d30cb3699b-4841237/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>johnny-vegasdreamshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/08/0d78658b259edcf59d78044457275aa4-of-6402a1e883aa4df0db9b32d30cb3699b-4841237/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/07/banks-to-avoid-4836292/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2008-10-07:/2008/10/07/banks-to-avoid-4836292/Tue, 07 Oct 2008 21:17:51 +0200 <p>sumo bank has gone belly up</p> <p>origami bank has folded</p> <p>playboy bank is bust</p> <p>charles kennedy's bank is in liquidation</p> <p>the Olly Reed bank is on the rocks</p> <p>the bank of associated mountaineers has said that investments may not reach their peak</p> <p>even the bank of Australia may be going under</p> <p>the Icelandic Donkey Sanctuary has frozen its assets</p> <p>the tailor's co-operative is just trying to cut through all the red tape<br></p> <p><br>and</p> <p>monica lewinski's bank is on its knees</p> <p><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt=""></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/07/banks-to-avoid-4836292/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>bankhttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/10/07/banks-to-avoid-4836292/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/07/18/typical-wednesday-4466571/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2008-07-18:/2008/07/18/typical-wednesday-4466571/Fri, 18 Jul 2008 21:23:49 +0200 <p><em>Wednesday was not good for me, but there again I guess it's typical of the kind of days I have.</em></p> <p>1. usual shenanigans involved in getting a 6yr old into a classroom by 8:55am escalated to levels normally associated with international crisis talks<br><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/12neutral.gif" border="0" alt=""><br>2. <strong>dingbat driver</strong> didn't give way at the traffic control outside the school, and so he had to drive up onto the pavement to get round me <br><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/092eek.gif" border="0" alt=""><br>3. <strong>dingbat driver no.2</strong> had followed dingbat no.1 and so he also had absolutely nowhere to go as I was at the give-way by then: I wound my window down and asked "Where exactly would you like me to go, given that you should have given way to me?" at which point he stumbled for a comeback, failed to think of one and resorted to "Oh piss off" and then "You have an issue, bitch" as he also drove up on to the pavement at breakneck speed<br><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" border="0" alt=""><br>Which was odd, because that's precisely what I was thinking. I DO have an issue with selfish drivers who have no regard for the safety of the children (who are all over the pavements at that time), no regard for the highway code and use the road as a ratrun because they are late for work.<br>So, duly vindicated, I drove home.<br><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/icon_cheeze.gif" border="0" alt=""><br>4. drove to a work site near home as I needed to use their LAN pcs for a particular job - none of them worked properly & after 2 hrs I gave up and ended up driving twice the distance to the next site to use theirs<br><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/grayupsetw.gif" border="0" alt=""><br>5. ...thus missing out on the opportunity to get a decent meal in the site restaurant (having no kitchen at home due to MFI messing it up 2 months ago)<br><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/grayupset.gif" border="0" alt=""><br>6. no parking space near that site meant a long walk in then I realised I'd left my drinks bag in the car<br><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/graysigh.gif" border="0" alt=""><br>7. got a tuna sandwich from Sainsbury which had a bad effect on me later that evening<br><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/smileys77.gif" border="0" alt=""><br>8. only after I'd finished the work & gone home did someone raise another item for inclusion<br><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/10rolleyessmile.gif" border="0" alt=""><br>9. no word from sink supplier who was supposed to ring yesterday for me to collect it (another part of the ongoing MFI saga)<br><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/graysighw.gif" border="0" alt=""><br>10. another lousy £14 spent getting a hot meal in the local 'pub' (if you can call these eating places pubs) due to not having a functioning kitchen (see #5) <br><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/icon_censored.gif" border="0" alt=""><br>11. followed by refusals by afore-mentioned son to go to bed<br><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/icon_wth.gif" border="0" alt=""> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/07/18/typical-wednesday-4466571/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>typical-daydrivershttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/07/18/typical-wednesday-4466571/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/06/14/home-improvements-and-why-not-to-4313131/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2008-06-13:/2008/06/14/home-improvements-and-why-not-to-4313131/Sat, 14 Jun 2008 00:33:44 +0200 <p>Here's a list of the attempts made to improve our home, and why I just shouldn't have bothered.</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif" alt=":roll:" class="middle" border="0">1. Carpet fitters<br>Is it too much expect that when carpet tradesmen refer to themselves as 'professional' and able to do 'the complete job' it will include having the sense to remove bits of the previous carpet that the previous occupants managed to stick to the skirting board paint? Apparently not. Our cream carpet is outlined in red fluff.</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/grayconfused.gif" alt=":??:" class="middle" border="0"> 2. Painter<br>This girl had a trademark. In every room she left an inch unpainted. Somewhere. </p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/grayno.gif" alt=":no:" class="middle" border="0"> 3. Conservatory<br>Several failed attempts to get East Cheshire Glass to do something. Anything.<br>This is literally falling apart and it's only a few years old. Had to stop the window cleaners standing on the conservatory roof to do the upstairs windows as it seemed to be causing the west vent to leak; the previous occupants let them go up there, but in view of the fact that they never paid East Cheshire Glass's bill due to a dispute about alleged poor workmanship, said company refuse to honour their guarantee (even though they insisted when I went to see their Finance Mgr that they would do the remedial work in good faith as indicative of their standing & reputation in the local community.) I think that proves something, maybe you can decide what.</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/grayupset.gif" alt=":##" class="middle" border="0"> 4. Chimney<br>Got a guy to fit bird guards over the chimney; he was neither use nor ornament and accelerated the need for a new roof.</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"> 5. Fitted wardrobes<br>No problem here. They were from MFI <img src="/img/smilies/icon_eek.gif" alt="8|" class="middle" border="0"> yes amazing but true - but then they did provide us with an absolutely superb fitter.<br>The problem was that, in preparation, I decided to give the room a fresh coat of paint - and in removing the lid launched the pot contents all over the carpet. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0"><br>Moving on...</p> <p>>:-( 6. New Roof<br>Roofers left rubble between the tiles & the felt. Hole was apparent next to chimney & they had to come back to stop water getting in & soaking the timber frame. Since then, water ingress has been occurring down the chimney breast. How did they manage that.<br>Scaffolders were a B.O.U.T. who did not use H&S compliant equipment or methods. They threw bolts down denting our lawn, and later scraped the scaffolding across our conservatory roof, causing huge tramline scratches as their scaffold unit dragged one of the afore-mentioned bolts with it. Despite being told 3 times not to put their weight on the conservatory roof, they still did and as a result the east vent is now leaking.</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/graysigh.gif" alt=":**:" class="middle" border="0"> 7. Loft boarding, new doors & general joinery<br>The guys were great, but unfortunately this ol' house couldn't take the hammering. Most of the upstairs ceiling plaster is cracked along the length of the beams.</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/graycry.gif" alt=":`(" class="middle" border="0"> 8. Plasterer<br>This guy did a good job but suddenly (despite having done work for us before with no problems, and knowing we had other work for him) insisted on an instant cash payment just as I was called to rush my son to the eye hospital in an emergency. Not endearing. It's not as if he didn't know where we live!!! <img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>>:XX 9. Fitted Kitchen (MFI)<br>Oh don't get me started. Left in a bombsite for months. Missold on function and workmanship. And as for their Customer Satisfaction Policy, well it's about time they had one.<br><a href="http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071128115740AAGzy08">http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071128115740AAGzy08</a><br><a href="http://bbs.scoobynet.com/non-scooby-related-4/453207-mfi-kitchen-problem.html">http://bbs.scoobynet.com/non-scooby-related-4/453207-mfi-kitchen-problem.html</a><br><a href="http://mfi-kitchen.blogspot.com/">http://mfi-kitchen.blogspot.com/</a></p> <p><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/092eek.gif" border="0" alt=""> 10.  Cleaners<br>This was a franchise, so I'd expect better. The first pair were fantastic ladies, but one of them left for better things & subsequent attempts at good replacements fell through. I had an ornament broken & put back surreptitiously so it looked not broken; a carpet burnt (1 inch sq.) where their vacuum cleaner blew up (they hid it with the waste paper bin); and the last pair did stuff-all work and would leave an hour early - I also had a cash card 'disappear' during their stint.</p> <p><strong>Nothing beats a good gripe.</strong> :> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/06/14/home-improvements-and-why-not-to-4313131/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>home-improvementstradesmenhttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/06/14/home-improvements-and-why-not-to-4313131/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/04/25/cock-ups-by-the-halifax-bank-4093174/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2008-04-25:/2008/04/25/cock-ups-by-the-halifax-bank-4093174/Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:39:29 +0200 <p>Here's another list, this time of some of the problems encountered where the Halifax Bank have, coincidentally, been involved. Some carry major risk and others are just niggling.</p> <p>They're not all here, because the Halifax narked me off about a lot of stuff for years before I got on the web so these are just the recent ones I can remember.</p> <p>If you have any of your own, feel free to comment.<br><br><em>Halifax employees need not respond as my resulting rudeness may offend.</em></p> <p>1. <strong>SLAMMED THE DOOR</strong> on me because they were closing for lunch & didn't want any more customers in the queue. Scared the little toddler with me, and very nearly trapped his fingers in the door.</p> <p>2. <strong>DUPLICATED</strong> house insurance so debits were going out on 2 policies.</p> <p>3. <strong>LEFT WITH NO HOUSE INSURANCE</strong> - when I rang to complain about the 2 policies, they cancelled BOTH instead of one.</p> <p>4. <strong>MESSED UP MY SHARES</strong> - I got Bank of Scotland shares and notified a change of name which they acknowledged. Following the subsequent merger into HBOS, all correspondence & dividends mysteriously resumed going to my previous name & address. Result: no dividends, no shares.</p> <p><img class="smiley" src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/graysigh.gif" border="0" alt=""></p> <p><img src="http://img.thisismoney.co.uk/i/pix/2006/05/badbank240506_273x450.jpg" alt=""><br>Stats Source: <a href="http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/"><a href="http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/">http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/</a></a><br>(2006)<br> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/04/25/cock-ups-by-the-halifax-bank-4093174/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>bankhalifaxhttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/04/25/cock-ups-by-the-halifax-bank-4093174/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/02/15/rainforest~3729479/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2008-02-14:/2008/02/15/rainforest~3729479/Fri, 15 Feb 2008 00:31:55 +0100 <p><a href="http://www.funlol.com"><img src="http://media.funlol.com/content/img/rain-forest-disappears-every-minute.jpg" border="0" alt="Funny Pictures"></a><br><a href="http://www.funlol.com">Funny Pictures</a><br><a href="http://www.everyjoke.com">Funny Jokes</a></p> <p>Strewth that bloke's got no strides on. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/02/15/rainforest~3729479/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>rainforesttarzanhttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2008/02/15/rainforest~3729479/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2007/09/19/migraine_aamp_how_i_deal_with_it~3005419/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2007-09-19:/2007/09/19/migraine_aamp_how_i_deal_with_it~3005419/Wed, 19 Sep 2007 12:22:15 +0200 <p>NNnn! nothing annoys me more than getting a migraine, and for over a year I've been getting them every few weeks. What a waste of time! <img src="/img/smilies/graymad.gif" alt=">:-(" class="middle" border="0"> I cannot tolerate being laid up unable to do anything, not even speak or move, or sleep properly, because of feeling sick & dizzy with a banging head. And as if that wasn't enough I even got a bout of labyrinthitis once on top of it all - someone up there's having a laugh. <img src="/img/smilies/graycry.gif" alt=":`(" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>If anyone wants to compare notes, here's my appraisal of the blummin thing:</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/grayconfused.gif" alt=":??:" class="middle" border="0"> CAUSE: Who knows, different reasons for different people. For me it can be: being a passenger, drinking coffee, hormonal triggers, circular or swinging fairground rides (and kiddies' swings!). I also think it's hereditary - my dad gets them, and my maternal great-gran also got her "stars and stripes" as she called it every 3-4 weeks, same as I now do and from around the same age, too. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wth.gif" alt="|-|" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/graycry.gif" alt=":`(" class="middle" border="0"> SYMPTOMS: sharp pain on one side of head, ensuing nausea, dizziness, headaches, vertigo. Imagine a VERY bad hangover, so bad you can't stand up, coupled with sea sickness, that stays for 3-7 days. And every time you use your senses (hearing, seeing, speaking) it gets worse.</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_idea.gif" alt=":idea:" class="middle" border="0"> MANAGEMENT:<br> <u>Medication</u> - 1 Migard at onset does alleviate some of it, although if I take it too early it can cause nagging symptoms to just spread themselves out over a whole week. Better to lie down & take it at full manifest, then sleep it off, but I'm a parent so it's rare I get the chance to do that really.<br> Used to rely on Migraleve, but that doesn't seem to work any more for some reason.<br> Russell Brand had a migraine on the show he did from NY last week (I'd get one, too, if I had to travel all that way & then perform) - <em>"give me 2 pink and 2 yellow, Matt, c'mon, you can't muck around with migraine"</em><br> Too true.</p> <p><u>Food</u> - Lots of water based drinks & nothing milky, sugary or alcoholic! I used to go on a strict regime of particular non-fat, non-sugar, non-rich etc regular plain meals, but I recently read that it is better to keep eating normally rather than be restrictive, so I do that - although I do stay off the chocolate when the migraine is phasing. And I rarely eat cheese or drink alcohol these days anyway. <img src="/img/smilies/graysigh.gif" alt=":**:" class="middle" border="0"><br> Fish has particularly good results, so I eat lots of that during a manifest, with plenty of vegetables. Yes, it is boring.<br> It's important to keep up the blood sugar, never skip meals, so I eat little and often. This works tremendously, but the downside is that I've put on a stone over the past year!</p> <p><u>Lifestyle</u> - <strong>Regular sleep </strong>is important, including for a nap 2-3pm when phasing. Luckily I can work from home, so the problems with looking at a VDU (which for any other employer would require me to take a week off work, and probably result in eventual dismissal for poor attendance) can be managed appropriately as I can still fulfill the requirements for my job without the pressure & stress of commuting & having to be somewhere 9-5.</p> <p>PERSONAL: Migraine can put tremendous pressure on a relationship, and was a contributary factor to my divorce a long time ago. I am very lucky now (well, maybe it's my son who's the lucky one to have a dad that rallies round!) to have a supportive partner, even though he doesn't understand what migraine is and why it should be so debilitating (having never experienced the like). My son (5yrs) has come to understand that sometimes mummy has a headache and can only whisper to him. Bless him, the other day after school he said: "I'm going to get changed now mummy, but I won't turn my music up loud."<br> It's horrible on the days that we can't dance or play cricket together like usual. And my migraine causes emotional turbulence (often with depression, naturally), so imagine that feeling multiplied with a gutful of parental guilt! <img src="/img/smilies/icon_cry.gif" alt=":'(" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Well I guess that's cheered everyone up. <img src="/img/smilies/graysmilewinkgrin.gif" alt=";D" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2007/09/19/migraine_aamp_how_i_deal_with_it~3005419/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>migrainevertigoheadachehttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2007/09/19/migraine_aamp_how_i_deal_with_it~3005419/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2007/09/06/what_s_in_my_chocolate_tin~2934076/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2007-09-06:/2007/09/06/what_s_in_my_chocolate_tin~2934076/Thu, 06 Sep 2007 12:25:53 +0200 <p><em>I have a tin that sits on top of my microwave. It contains my chocolate stash. No-one else ever looks in it because it has pictures of apples on it and NO self-respecting bloke would want to go rooting for fruit, would they.</em> <img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Here's what's in it...</p> <p><strong>Bag of broken up milk chocolate snowman<br> 100g Roskilly's Organic Clotted Cream Fudge<br> 100g Centre Parcs Clotted Cream Fudge<br> Bag of 5 handmade luxury chocolates<br> third of a pack of McVities Chocolate Digestives<br> 75g bar of Kim's Caramel & Hazlenut Cream/Caramel & Praline chocolate<br> 3 Creme Eggs<br> 45g bar Thornton's Chocolate (pig design)<br> 80g bar Thornton's Chocolate with whole almonds<br> 35g tube of Mason's Gourmet Foods milk, white & dark chocolate buttons<br> 65g string bag of National Trust milk chocolate mini eggs<br> 130g bag of M&S Belgian Chocolate coated raisins<br> Box of 6 chocolate Florida alligators from my USA penfriend <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"><br> 2 milk chocolate mini fish, also from Florida<br> 3 Cadbury's Flake bars<br> 250g bar of Cadbury Dairy Milk Whole Nut</strong></p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_cool.gif" alt="B)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p><em>Do you think I should share it out? <img src="/img/smilies/grayconfused.gif" alt=":??:" class="middle" border="0"> some of it is nearing it's sell by date - oh hang on, I just checked & some of it is past that, oops</p> <p>Which to share & which to keep....? hmm</em><br> <img src="/img/smilies/icon_twisted.gif" alt=":>" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2007/09/06/what_s_in_my_chocolate_tin~2934076/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>chocolatecreme-eggfudgethorntonsroskillycadburyhttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2007/09/06/what_s_in_my_chocolate_tin~2934076/#commentshttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2007/08/26/tried_and_tested_things_to_do_in_boring_~2875357/tag:hamwrap.blog.co.uk,2007-08-26:/2007/08/26/tried_and_tested_things_to_do_in_boring_~2875357/Sun, 26 Aug 2007 23:30:35 +0200 <p>For table meetings where you have to actually be there in person, I have roadtested all the following...</p> <p>1. Organise & play buzz word bingo with as many of the meeting participants as you feel you can feasibly persuade to join in.<br> Rules: <a href="http://www.mftrou.com/buzz-word-bingo.html">http://www.mftrou.com/buzz-word-bingo.html</a><br> Cards: <a href="http://www.btinternet.com/~mr.nik/business/buzz-bingo/">http://www.btinternet.com/~mr.nik/business/buzz-bingo/</a><br> 2. Play solitaire on the laptop.<br> 3. Write a novel (looks impressive, this one - people will admire your earnest dedication to what appears to be enthusiastic note taking).<br> 4. Organise your entire life: get your filofax up to date, make shopping/wish/christmas lists etc, draft personal resolutions and plan holidays & home projects.<br> 5. Play jargon buster - give yourself a list of tacky business cliches/words and see how many you can actually use without sniggering, eg. "that's dead in the water", "touch base" and "fast track the solution". (Works with 1 or more players)<br> 6. Day dream.<br> 7. Try to follow and understand what's being said (note: ensure you have migraine tablets ready at the outset).</p> <p>For telephone conferences (aka teleconferencing) all the following are plausible occupations when using the home landline. I'm sure there'll be infinitely more if you have a speaker phone at home or if your company pays for your mobile too, but these are just the ones I have actually done.<br> Note: A crude headset for landline phones can be fabricated using an elasticated headband and a roll of masking tape if the phone does not have a clip attachment.</p> <p>Important: Remember to use the Mute facility.</p> <p>1. Ironing<br> 2. Painting & decorating<br> 3. Watch a movie<br> 4. Update iTunes & sync iPod<br> 5. Gardening<br> 6. Sex (see Important note above)<br> 7. Preparing evening meal using slow cooker<br> 8. Being in more than one teleconference<br> 9. Creative arts & crafts with offspring<br> 10. Buy & sell stuff on ebay<br> 11. Combine with appointments with tradesmen looking to provide quotes or rectify damage after same have done jobs on house<br> 12. Text people on mobile (add value by texting others who are in the same meeting), chat to neighbours or invite friends round for coffee</p> <p>I've not managed to wash & style my hair during a teleconference yet, but I've not written off the possibility that it can be done using just a wireless handset with headband.<br> I have tried vacuuming the living room, but have to conclude that unfortunately that one wasn't compatible with teleconferencing.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2007/08/26/tried_and_tested_things_to_do_in_boring_~2875357/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>meetingsteleconferencebingohttp://hamwrap.blog.co.uk/2007/08/26/tried_and_tested_things_to_do_in_boring_~2875357/#comments